AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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