Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
