No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
