Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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