Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
