Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
