i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
