I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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