I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
