That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize