His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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