Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
