Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
