I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
