I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
