he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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