i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my poor anus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
