the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
