Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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