she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
