dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
