So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
