you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
