i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I puked a lego.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
