Can i not drive my cunt home
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
