I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She announced her abortion via fbk
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
