I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
