Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
