There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
