i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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