I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
