I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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