fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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