FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
