3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
