I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
