Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
