just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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