At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
