Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
