i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
