Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
