While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
