it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
