I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This toilet bowl is my home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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