at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
