So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
