It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
