I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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