Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have fence marks all over my body
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
